Whiskey in the jar
by AmericanWildDog
Summary: /REUPLOAD. EXPLANATION INSIDE./ Working in a secret organization that battles unholy abominations can be stressful. Pip tries to take Seras out with the boys for a night on the town and he learns just how much he depends on her for protection on and off the field. Some swearing.


**I'll make it short.**

 **I tried to fix ONE little error but I didn't have the original file with me so I trid to copy-n-paste that shit out of laziness and I paid for it by having the new file be an internal error document.**

 **I was pissed as hell but thankfully I still was able to get the original from another computer.**

Normally when a girl who doesn't reach his shoulders flings a man halfway across a room, it can be a blow to his ego. Pip Bernadotte was not your average man it seemed. For one thing, he willingly accepted this new offer at some high-class place called 'Hellsing' to fight, as they put it, undead monsters. Naturally he hardly believed them and his men laughed at the idea when they first arrived. Then they met Seras Victoria.

Blonde, small, and cute as a kitten she was. Pip couldn't fathom how someone like her ended up at a place like Hellsing. The idea of her being some kind of blood-sucking monster was even more hilarious. Vampires don't take well to insults and laughs at their expense. The little flick of her finger nearly broke his neck and left him with a pounding headache for the rest of the night. The Hellsing butler, Walter, was kind enough to leave a couple of aspirin on his bedside table in his quarters. Thus, the relationship between the captain and the draculina started off. Regardless of whether the two liked it or not.

Of course there was strife between the two and the whole team while they trained. She had more knowledge on vampires and ghouls than the rest of them. Real knowledge and not whatever they happened to watch late at night on Halloween. Her master (a tall and scary vampire by the name of Alucard) had drilled into her head all the dangers and weaknesses of the vampires they hunted and the ghoul minions they created. It was probably when Seras explained only silver bullets worked on the undead that he might have gotten in over his head. Lately however, he had more on his mind than things that go bump in the night. Well he almost did anyway.

Seras was something else that was for sure. She didn't drink blood and held her strength by sleeping in a coffin. She wasn't arrogant or menacing like Alucard. She also didn't try to surprise them by jumping out of walls every other day to spook them. If anything, she barely tried to intimidate them at all! She simply stated what they needed to know and did her best to help them out on the field. There was no mind control tricks or hypnosis or 'evil love beams.' Seras was very sweet. In fact she was almost too sweet to be real. Not to mention she was very attractive. That was the only vampire thing she seemed to do. Just stand there and enrapture others with her pretty face and alluring body. The Wild Geese, whom were all suckers for a cutie like Seras, flirted with and teased her once they realized there was almost no chance of being disemboweled by the little vampire. Naturally she didn't take this very well. More often than twice some poor sap left training with a bruised shin or an aching cheek. Pip noticed that despite her general comfort with weapons she did not seem to trust men all too much.

With the way she looked and acted, he didn't blame her. A kind-hearted little beauty like her would have been taken advantage of if she didn't keep her guard up.

For some reason the idea of her not trusting him fully bothered him a lot. It wasn't just because they were now comrades in a very real and very dangerous war. No, it was a little more complex than that.

He was almost afraid to even speak it out loud. But he could swear he was developing feelings for the little vampire.

Slowly but surely the rest of the Wild Geese became as use to her as their captain. As soon as Pip returned from Brazil his second in command suggested a night of celebration in the London pub.

"This is one of the best gigs we got Captain Bernadotte. Good pay, good quarters, our own uniforms, and enough weapons to keep us happy in the field for days! A chance to drink and check out the local cuisine should make our stay complete!" Local cuisine? Knowing John and the rest of his men, Pip had an idea on what he meant by cuisine.

"Well since you insist mon ami." Pip smirked with a limp cigarette still smoking in his lips. Yeah, a chance to unwind and see what London really had to offer wasn't a bad idea. Besides, his men needed to get acquainted with the town and find their way around.

The idea of inviting Seras along hit him like a brick to the temple. What if she didn't want to go? Were pubs even her sort of style? He seriously doubted it. But perhaps she just needed a little taste of what it was like to let loose and congregate with friends. They might not be on the best of terms all the time (out of all the Wild Geese he was the worst when making advances on her) but they got along fairly well ever since Brazil. That little walk had given them time to talk and get to know one another just a little better. He felt more content around her after that. He had a feeling she did too.

Smiling he excused himself from John and went off towards the mansion.

"You're serious? Why?" Seras asked with a raised brow. She didn't think the Wild Geese captain was so comfortable around her. Apparently he was comfortable enough to invite her to go out pubbing with him and his team. The very suggestion raised red flags for her at first. A pub filled with loud, drunken, grabby men? Many of whom she would have to make sure returned to Hellsing manor safely once the night was over? She almost said no.

"Why not mon cher?" He replied using that French nickname she still didn't know what it meant. She had yet to decide if it was lewd or not depending on his facial expressions. "You do a lot for my men and I. I figured you deserved a chance to unwind and see how Geese take a load off."

Seras frowned. She could only imagine what he meant by that. Take a load off? As in find a back alley harlot and see how much load she gets out of them? Or how many loads of beer they could all guzzle within an hour? The choice was becoming a little easier now…

"Captain, I appreciate the offer but I'm not sure I should." She stopped when she saw the dejected look on his face. The captain looked like she had just told him his new puppy died.

"I mean, I have other work to do, I doubt that Sir Integra would-" Seras said but was cut off.

"I asked her already and she said you could join us if you wished. I just made sure to ask at the right time that's all. Thank goodness the last mission went well and she was in a good mood." Pip grinned at her in a roguish way that caused the little bit of blood she had to rush to her pale cheeks. "C'mon Seras. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself and so will the boys. You don't even have to drink. Just come with us and have a good time." He said it so sincerely.

"Hands to yourself the whole night?" Seras asked with conviction.

"I'll break my hand and any others if they stray. I swear to you." As if to prove it to her he raised his right hand in a solemn promise gesture.

Now she faced a dilemma. She only partially believed Pip when he said he wouldn't try to make a move on her. However, with his promise of keeping others at bay she was a little more inclined to agree.

"Besides, I could really use some help in keeping the boys in line. Y'know, making sure they don't piss off the wrong guy or almost get killed by an angry prostitute with a fork. You've proven you're pretty good at getting pushy people to take a step back." He tilted his hat to her as a sign of respect. "Well? What do you say?"

It had to be that one bright green eye gazing at her with such an intense light. It had to be the idea of being slightly entertained as the Wild Geese made potential fools of themselves. Or perhaps it was the startling revelation that if she didn't find something to do tonight, her master would certainly think of a way to keep her busy. No doubt he would want to try the 'flying lessons' he had been hinting at. Seras knew for a fact the lessons would go like how most winged animals taught their children to fly.

Pushing them off the highest structure and hoping for the best.

No thank you!

"Alright captain, I accept."

The establishment in question was fit for men such as the Wild Geese. The main lobby was loud and filled with blokes and gals looking for a night of fun and more than a few rounds of drinks. Upstairs was where couples ventured up for a little more privacy. It was also were the lucky harlot of that night would take one of her well-to-do clients. The air was ripe with booze, sweat, adrenaline, and the scent of sex from upstairs, though only Seras with her sharp vampiric senses could pick up that.

For the most part she did her best to ignore it.

The best part about coming in with a group of over twenty, battle-hardened mercenaries was that other patrons kept their distance. The men were loud and intimidating enough to keep away the less than desirable sorts away from their table.

Of course one must take the bad along with the good. Seras thought the Geese were difficult on the field? They were even worse when filled with alcohol and testosterone that could no longer be kept in check and nearing the point of starting a fight or smacking the nearest ass that came near them!

Why oh why did she agree to this? All because the idea of babysitting them all sounded more bearable than getting thrown off the roof. What was a little fall going to do anyway? She would have survived and healed for that matter!

"So then the guy says to me, 'Listen here you cross-eyed bastard either you get that bitch to stop her screaming and screeching or I find a different use for this coat hanger.'" The balding bartender said to Pip. It had been like this for over an hour since he arrived here. First had been the story about the hooker and the man who loved to fish on his first dates. Then came the one about toilet and the misplaced grenade. One story after another and each one more idiotic and unbearable than the rest. Pip didn't know it but his team had slowly abandoned him until he was the only one left. The only reason he stayed was because the bartender kept supplying him with beer after beer.

It was pretty damn good beer so why waste an opportunity?

Pip Bernadotte suffered through story after story. Wishing and hoping on hope that some other bastard would call the tender over to him already. But nope it appeared everyone in the bar was satisfied with their current state!

Almost everyone that is. Seras hadn't really gotten up and done anything except pick some poor drunk Geese off the ground when he tripped over his own damn feet. She sat in the same chair she had since she got here. She had looked around with the same lonely expression looking for anything to catch her interests. She had also turned those same eyes to him both apologetic and brimming with boredom. As if she was trying to say, 'told you I shouldn't have come here.'

Damnit he had just wanted to show her a good night for once! One that wasn't filled with flesh-eating ghouls, obnoxious vampires, or her terrifying master. She was a good girl and a sweet girl. Didn't she deserve this little break?

If Pip was honest to himself he might have admitted in his mind that taking her on something of a 'date' would have been nice too. The little walk they had in Brazil had been the closest thing they had to that. Then again would she herself admit that too? What hope did he have with a girl like her anyway? She was a vampire, a creature destined to live the rest of her life in darkness. This bright light of a girl having to remain in the dark just to survive. What was he? Just the son of a murderer equally destined to walk a dark path until a bullet manage to blow his filthy brains out. Seras was the type of girl who deserved better than that.

Besides would she even want to try it? She had already proven her uneasiness around the male population. Also he figured she was a a little worried about the ribbing that would increase tenfold from his team and her own little Hellsing group.

First there was Alucard. Pip had no clue what sort of relationship those two had. All Pip knew was that Seras's master was the only man she actually seemed happy to see no matter what. But it was less in a puppy love way and more in a way a child sees a father who has been away for so long. Even if they did live in the same underground. Like a loyal pet she followed him and obeyed his commands to the dot. Pip feared the vampire king greatly and had no interest in getting on his bad side. How would he react to someone like Pip showing an interest in his protégée? He might laugh it off and join in the teasing. Or he would react jealousy, or in a way a protective father looks after his daughter. Whatever happened, Pip feared it.

Sir Integra was a very terrifying woman. She commanded Alucard and Seras with the air of a military commander. As well as the rest of the establishment. No nonsense and completely earning of all the respect and fear she inspired, Pip hoped he never ended up married to a woman like her. Sir Integra was big on letting recruits defend themselves when troubles and mischief arose. However, when Seras had come running to her with reports of harassment, Integra made sure to shut every one of them down and leave the young vampire alone.

Walter was no different. Like Alucard, Seras trusted him fully and he could see why. The man was wise and grandfatherly. Walter was also a badass who could make these crazy wires shoot out of his fingers that could cut through flesh and bone easily! Pip could tell Walter thought kindly of Seras and suspected he might try to protect her as well.

Good, she deserved to be protected from men like him.

However, that didn't mean he was just going to leave her all by herself ! He invited her here so the least he could do was give her someone to talk to!

Besides, he finally had an excuse to leave the rambling bartender.

"You've been a wonderful tale-spinner monsieur, but I simply can't leave my little friend alone any longer." Pip snatched his mug and stood from his seat.

The grizzled man huffed and followed Pip's eye to wear Seras sat.

"She need a drink too?" He asked Pip.

"Nah, she's sorta the designated driver tonight really." Pip told him. It wasn't a lie. Pip had even handed her the keys to the van before they entered the pub.

"Well I don't blame you for leaving me now. You or your girlfriend need anything just holler." With a little knowing smirk he departed and Pip was finally left alone. The word 'girlfriend' hung in the air like a pendulum. Hopefully, even with her fantastic hearing, Seras had not heard that little remark.

The Wild Geese lieutenant, John, had taken the empty seat next to her with a half-empty bottle and a knowing look in his eyes.

"He invited you because he wanted to get you out of the manor. He thought this might help you relax." He offered with half a grin.

Seras returned the smile with half the wattage and no gusto.

"As kind as that was, everyone has different ways of relaxing. This particular way is not on my list." She admitted to him. She didn't say it with any rudeness. It was just in a way that said 'I don't do this and I'm not trying to be a bother but I'm not having any fun.'

John sighed.

Then things started turning to shit.

The bloke came out of nowhere. Pip had always considered his blind spot on the left side of his face to be a real hindrance. For instance, this very blind spot prevented him from seeing a bulky man about Pip's height but twice his weight crash into him. The sound of shattering glass made everyone within twenty feet stop what he or she was doing to stare at the stunned Frenchman and the pissed off bar patron.

"You son of a whore!" The man yelled at Pip. A single blue vein in his head bulged from the skin of his forehead. The Wild Geese captain could almost swear that a tiny amount of steam was pouring out of his ear.

Forlornly, Bernadotte glanced down at the remains of the man's drink. Or drinks actually. Three large mugs and each one looked as if they had been filled to the brim. Already the whole space around them was rank with the smell of whiskey.

"Sorry pal. It was just an accident." Pip raised his hands in defense of himself. Right now things didn't look too swell for him. Usually he was able to talk his way out of an unnecessary fight. If that was no good he could hold his own in a scrap. Provided, of course, the rival he was facing was all bark and no bite. Or perhaps so drunk he kept mistaking a bar stool for his opponent. Not this time, this time his opponent was drunk enough to get angry over the smallest inconvenience but sober enough to beat the shit out of him.

Of all the rotten luck…

"I don't give a rat's ass! I was bringing those for my boys." He directed Pip's attention to another table just feet away from them. Three more men, each one more Neanderthal looking than his neighbor, glared at Pip with the same ferocity as guard dogs.

"I'll buy all of you more drinks." Bernadotte offered him.

The man before him laughed like a gorilla. His hard grey eyes bore into Pip with no mercy.

"As if I'll let you off that easy you French punk." He snarled at Pip.

Beefy hands with odd-looking stains on them reach for the pale-faced mercenary captain.

The commotion Pip caused drew the attention of John and Seras. The rest of the squad continued their merriment too intoxicated to be much use. Some of them had noticed their captain but stayed put. In these types of problems they knew better to interfere unless an actual scuffle broke out. Though that looked to be the case any minute now.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Seras asked John. The man threatening Pip was loud and built like a mastiff. Pip might be a thorn in her side occasionally but there was no way she wanted him to get beaten up!

"Nah he'll be ok." John assured her. Though his tone wasn't so sure.

"But-" Seras said.

"The captain says we got to wait and see what happens. If someone throws a punch that's our cue to step in." John took a swig of his drink when he finished speaking.

Seras glanced around the bar to see if the other Wild Geese were on alert. No luck in that department. So many were oblivious to what was going on. The total amount that looked ready to help their captain was a total of five counting John and her! She bit her lip.

The loud voice of the ape-man shouting at Pip sounded extremely agitated. Seras glanced at the table next to them. The group nearest to the man and Pip looked like the man's cronies. They looked hungry for blood.

"Don't worry Seras. Pip will come out fine." John assured her.

All of a sudden there was a shout and the sound of frustrated grunts.

Seras and John both gaped as the man confronting Pip lifted him off the ground, pushed him into the wall, and held him up there while reeling back one fist.

"Shit! Forget what I said!" John jumped up to come to his Captain's and best friend's aid. He wasn't faster than Seras though.

Now it was only John watching the scene with a look of horror. Seras had just sprinted pass him and was now right next to the sociopath holding Pip up by his collar. The little vampire who acted like their little sister was standing up to that brute!

As for the little vampire in question, she had had about enough of this whole thing. She was stuck in a bar filled with grating noises, powerful stenches, and people too stupid and filled with liquor to tell white from black. Now this asshole before her had the audacity to threaten her Captain? It was just a few drinks and Pip had offered to pay for them! She was 100% done. Not to mention she wasn't about to let him get away with trying to hurt the mercenary.

"Put him down." Her voice was as firm as she could make it.

Pip's breath stopped when that beast of a man stopped looking at him to fix his eyes right on Seras! Lovely and pure-hearted mon cher was sticking up for him when his own men were hardly in any state to be any use. Good God this girl was gutsy! Why on earth did he underestimate her on their first meeting?!

"There's no need to make a scene." She added in a soft tone.

While Pip contemplated on his savior so did the behemoth holding him. He looked over Seras from head to toe. The girl standing up to him was wearing military pants and a black tank top covered by a leather jacket. She looked to be about 5 feet at most and 100 pounds tops. Short blond hair and the cutest face he's ever seen. He grinned like a little kid who had just received a brand new puppy.

Pip was dropped roughly onto the dirt-ridden floor of the bar when the man started laughing. He was laughing and he couldn't stop. His cohorts were joining him while the jeered at Pip and Seras.

"How do you like that! The little shit can't fight his battles so he gets his girlfriend to do it for him!" Mr. large-and-animalistic guffawed.

"This is your backup? This little thing? She's built like a butterfly!" The man slapped a meaty thigh and reduced his raucous laughs into a deep chuckle.

His boys seem to agree and stared in disbelieve at the pretty little Barbie doll that had rushed to defend the bloke who spilled their next round of drinks.

Seras was getting more and more furious as each second passed. Her face was the only part of her that let them know. Of course they weren't even paying attention to that.

The man's stare became a leer; he looked her over a second time. She was small but she was also cute and sexy! Nice bust, slender build, and legs for days, just how he liked his ladies.

He flashed surprisingly white teeth at Seras. Unlike most of the customers who had either missing or tobacco flecked teeth.

"Ah she's no trouble. She's a little cutie." He barely grasped a lock of golden hair to move it from her soft cheek.

At this point the rest of the bar was fixated on the little display before them. Like the man and his lot, they couldn't believe that someone like Seras was standing up to them.

John took one look at Seras's posture and backed away. The litenant knew that stiff back and clenched fist were s sure sign Seras was about to teach someone a lesson. He had always prided himself on never having to learn a lesson a second time. This would be over quite soon.

"Why is such a pretty thing like yourself with a slimy guy like him eh'?" He added. The large hand that had manhandled her friend reached for her yet again. This time she was ready.

Old police academy drills and training kicked in. Her mentor in those classes had been adamant on making sure Seras was capable of taking down men twice her size. 'Center of balance' is what he told her to take advantage of. Well guess what? That's exactly what she planned.

While she had been able to do it in the past she thanked her master mentally for her vampire strength. It gave her that extra burst of power she needed.

With barely a sound she had wrapped her arms around the man and lifted him high above her shoulders. Seras then brought him down towards the ground with all her might. What happened next stopped all sense of time in the whole establishment. The table that the man landed on smashed into half. The very same table his own crew had been waiting for him. Each one barely escaped being crushed by both the table and their leader.

Dazed and hurting like a sonofabitch, the leader gazed up in absolute terror at the blonde girl above him. She no longer stirred any desire in him except the desire to get the hell away from her! But Jesus Christ his back felt like it had been twisted every other direction! He couldn't even groan in pain it hurt so much just to breath!

The men at his table took one look at their boss and another at the girl who had just subdued him in a single move.

Seras returned their glare like death itself come to collect their souls. She feinted at them and they took off running. They went over tables and out the door they went. Their commander was still on the ground and hadn't moved an inch.

Seras took a deep breath to calm herself down. As much as she hated to admit it, she was glad she had been given the chance to do that. She actually felt a little more relaxed now that she had vented her frustration on an asshole like him.

She presented a helping hand to Pip who gasped it like a drowning man grasps a ship rope.

"Are you aright?" She asked him concerned. Those blue eyes of hers were alive with worry and protective affection. Mon Dieu she had just possibly maimed a man for him. The thought of it made him giddy and appreciative. Now there was a girl worthy of all the respect! He now feared and wanted her more than ever.

"Y-Yeah, it'll all good cher. I'm fine." He hoisted himself with her help.

The same hands that had ruthlessly body slammed the drunkard on the ground was gentle and soft to him. When she led him back to where John was she still help his hand in her own grasp. _Please don't let go too soon._

John, for his own part, was open-mouthed and pale-faced. Just like Pip, he vowed never to underestimate the girl before him again.

"Well boys I had a great time but I think it's time I left before I get thrown out." No doubt someone had alerted security by now. They would find the injured man, the broken table, and the ruined glasses. Seras wasn't keen on sticking around for any of that mess.

"If you want to stay that's fine, I'll just walk back." She fished the keys out of her pocket and set them on the table. With that she released Bernadotte's hand, threw a salute, and made her way over to the exit. Many patrons were still staring at her as she left. Under normal circumstance a single girl leaving the bar at night all by herself might have prompted someone to walk her home. But who on earth had to fear for this particular girl's safety now?

When Seras disappeared out the door Pip snapped out of whatever trance he had been in.

"John, mate, buddy, look after the rest of the boys." A single command was all John was given before Pip was out the door after Seras.

Naturally some of the patrons, including bar security, was helping the behemoth bastard off the ground. When he was asked how this happened he just sputtered a single incoherent sentence before walking away in a daze.

John smiled and finished off his bottle.

Pip caught up to Seras a little later than he expected. The draculina slowed her power-walking pace so he could keep up. They walked in silence for quite awhile. Their only other company each other and the nocturnal creatures that came out to play at night. Foxes, bats, rats, and stray cats all watched the two of them slowly make their way back to the manor.

"Thanks Seras, for what you did back there. That was…really brave of you." Pip said gratefully.

"No need captain. I've dealt with his lot before. They're all the same." For whatever reason she twined her fingers with his yet again.

Pip turned his head to hide his smile from her.

"I'm sure I won't be able to go back to that bar again." She told him wistfully. Big deal, she never wanted to go anyway. But perhaps it was a good thing she did tonight.

"Well there are plenty of others. Ones that are far less likely to have unchained animals I'm sure." He snickered. Seras giggled with him and tightened her grip on his hand.

"Going to walk me home then? Maybe there is a gentleman in you after all." She teased him playfully.

Pip glanced at her and was taken aback. She looked so gorgeous at night. Her pretty face was made out more divinely by the moonlight. Pale flesh that he was tempted to plant kisses all over if she let him. What was this girl doing to him?

"You'd be surprised what I'm capable of mon cher." Against his better judgment he waggled his eyebrows at her and gave daring look down at her legs and waist.

Seras frowned at him and lightly smacked her forehead.

"I always end up speaking too soon about you." She groaned in frustration.

Still she kept their hands linked the whole way back to the Hellsing manor.


End file.
